They've got to learn

from Punk Uncle by The Antipoet

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"Lonnie Donegan again, wherein the lads are teaching the younger generation about swearing: “It’s common / and it’s lazy / if it’s not bang on the money.” They are, of course, “glad to be of service / teaching how to cuss“, skillfully rhyming that with ‘blasphemous’. Swearing is, they say, “an art like any other“, and they are not wrong. Live, a singalong ensues.

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lyrics

They've got t'learn,
they've got t'learn;
they're going t'learn it somewhere,
it might as well be here'n now,
They've got t'learn,
oh, they're going t'learn:
it's an art like any other;
settle down;
we'll teach you how...

(Kids:)
Swearing isn't big;
it isn't cool
and it isn't funny,
it's common
and it's lazy
(if it's not bang on the money).
For maximum effect,
one should defer delivery;
temper one's vulgarity:
explete with dignity!

Choose your salutations;
never over play a word,
as they tend to lose their potency
once they've been over heard.
Profanity should never be
an exuse to let off steam,
don't waste an opportunity;
(don't be) trite when you blaspheme.

You've got t'learn,
you've got t'learn;
(and) if you're going t'learn it somewhere,
it might as well be here'n now,
you've got t'learn,
oh, you're goin' t'learn:
it's an art like any other,
settle down;
we'll teach you how...

(Kids:)
This lexicon of ours is ripe with fruity adjectives
and such inflammat'ry exclamations,
always trump pejoratives!
Such words won't just insult,
they'll elevate your intellect,
in the eyes of the fadge flapdoodle,
they'll gain you due respect.

Fudge knocker!
Fubsy fussock!
You kruntin' Merdivore!
Bescumbered Microphallus;
You're a valgus coprolore!
You're a Weeble!
A meable
smug funtin' fustylugger;
clunge wrangling
frottage fancier;
a skankin' todger tugger!

...repeat after me, kids:

'Fudge knocker!
Fubsy fussock!
You're a kruntin' Merdivore!'

...near as frakk it.

'Bescumbered Microphallus;
You're a valgus coprolore!'

...that one's gunna need some smegging work.

'You're a Weeble!
A meable
smug funtin' fustylugger;
clunge wrangling
frottage fancier;
a skankin' todger tugger!'

(well) they've got t'learn,
they've got t'learn;
they're going t'learn it somewhere, parents
please don't make a fuss,
('cause) they've got t'learn,
they're going t'learn:
and we're glad to be of service,
teaching children how to cuss;
yes,
we're glad to've been of service,
think of us when you're blasphemous.

credits

from Punk Uncle, released July 22, 2019
Words and Music by The Antipoet. Other instrumentation by Mark Gordon

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about

The Antipoet London, UK

"The Antipoet are at the forefront of the new movement; their material dripping with parody, takes poetry to a new level, with performances as memorable as they are hilarious"
Chris Wilson - The Stage

Combining the wit and wisdom of one of the finest performance poets with solo bass and the odd piece of gratuitous percussion to create the unique sound and spectacle that is The Antipoet ... more